Panda 2008-2020

For the past decade, almost every hour of my life has been accompanied by Panda. Now I feel buried under an avalanche of rituals to grieve. There are memories and emotions hiding in every corner of our house, every food that we eat, every time of day, every change in the weather, every walk, every habit and routine. She was one of the quietest dogs we’ve ever known, but the sound of her absence is thunderous.

I’m clinging to the memories and experiences I have carefully catalogued in my mind, with growing urgency, over the years: the long warm gaze of her brown eyes looking into mine, for no reason other than to say I love you. The steadfastness of her big soft broad forehead pushed up against my own. The perfectly overstuffed, thick furriness of her face. The impossibly silky patches of hair behind her ears. The giant, fluffy, infinitely huggable teddy bear body. The quiet, slow, happy swish of her tail. The sweetest, endless, most infectious smile. The most joyful, gentle, patient, genuine presence. The kindest nose boops and kisses. The brief, delightful moments of mischief, zoomies and tail-chasing. The softest snore. The rare, tiniest, most hilarious farts. The most impeccable eyeliner.

Panda was the ambassador to all dogs. People who were scared of dogs loved her. People who hated dogs loved her. Children and animals who felt afraid or intimidated, learned to trust and joyfully connect because of her. Never mind the people who already loved dogs - they saw her coming a mile away. Loved by friends and neighbours, she was asked for by name at our pharmacy, at local shops, at Finnegan’s. Panda update requests came from my doctors, hairdresser, aesthetician, therapist. On a daily basis, strangers asked to hug her, take her picture, wanted to know where they could get one just like her. But she was one of a kind. She had no idea how special she was. But we knew.

If you’ve ever met her, or bought a calendar to support the heroes who saved her life at Frontier Animal Society, or just enjoyed the photos we’ve shared over the years, you know how special she was, too. Thank you for sharing the absolute joy that was Panda, with us.

Panda had many roles. Therapy dog. Goofy sidekick. Best friend. Guardian angel. We took turns taking care of each other. This year she needed a lot of care. We did everything we could. She deserved every bit of it and more.

She is one of the great loves of my life. I am grateful for every day I had with her. It took everything I had to let her go.

Our best girl.

Panda Calendar 2016!

I am truly amazed to be posting about Panda calendars for the third year in a row! It's really touching that Panda keeps friends and family smiling all year long with her photos and antics. Lucky for me, it means that I get to keep snapping pictures guilt-free.For guaranteed grins on a monthly basis throughout 2016, feel free to indulge in a little gift-giving for yourself - and, if you're stumped on gifts for the animal-lovers and welfare-activists in your life, this should do the trick!

If you've been a fan of Panda's for a while, this year's calendar will not disappoint. Running, smiling, office-helping... what a good girl she is. If it wasn't for the Frontier Animal Society, she would have died before we even got to meet her. As happens all too frequently in their dedicated work, they saved her life with literally one or two days to spare. They richly deserve every bit of support that comes their way, and they will be receiving all profits from this calendar. Check out their Facebook page to see how much they truly care about their furry little wards, and remember to always adopt a rescue.

Panda says thank-you for your support, and please send carrots to help her prepare for next year's rigorous photo shoots! Happy, happy 2016!

Winter Walk

If you live anywhere on the Eastern seaboard, right now your social media feeds are full of snow. IT SNOWED, people. In a big way. While I will always envy my city friends for various spontaneities and conveniences, the quiet beauty after a snowfall around our place is second to none. Also, it doesn't take a week for snow removal to come. But I digress.

It's also Panda's moment. Her very favouritest. When your dog is the Scarface of snow, you go for walks. Many, many walks! This morning's was particularly beautiful... Keep warm, keep safe, and enjoy the pretty.

Photos by me and Christian.

The 2015 Panda Calendar is here

Incredibly, last year's fun little project wasn't just a one-time thing. The evidence is right here in my office, in a box that arrived over the weekend. I'm so excited that Panda calendars have made it back for another year! The tradition continues: all profit will be donated to the shelter that saved Panda's life. Without the tireless work of the Frontier Animal Society, our beloved Panda and hundreds of other sweet, furry little souls simply would not be here today. Their dedication and genuine concern for all those in their charge is truly heart-warming and very special.

If you have a pet lover on your holiday gift list, this will provide them with a year's worth of smiles and the knowledge that you have also contributed to a very fine organization. Or, if you're in the mood to treat yo self, this is a fabulous opportunity to do so and give to a good cause to boot.

Panda would like to reassure you that many carrots were harmed in the production of this calendar. A special thank-you to my sweet Christian for taking these shop photos! Please help us sell out, which we almost did last year! You can purchase your very own Panda calendar here. Happy 2015!

On HGE and your dog

If you are squeamish or adverse to reading about bodily functions, you may want to skip reading this post - that said, if you have a dog it could help save your fur monster's life, so please read on if you can. I'm going to try and be as detailed as possible in the hopes that it might be helpful to somebody.

Our beloved Panda bear is fine today. Bouncy, smiling, eyes and coat shining. Ten days ago she almost died. We still don't know why, and likely never will, but her symptoms were specific enough that I think it's important to share them.

On a Monday, Panda started exhibiting signs of minor indigestion. You know, nothing serious, just softer poop than usual. Every dog owner has experienced this. Dogs eat everything. Panda proudly subscribes to a strict policy of "eat now, ask questions later". So naturally I decided to let things run their course, but I kept a watchful eye on her. A few days went by, nothing changed - she didn't get better but she didn't get worse, either. Everything else was the same. Appetite, mood, energy levels were all normal. I Googled "how long should I wait if my dog has indigestion"... I didn't get a good answer, but I did stumble on a bunch of articles about a condition called HGE: Hemorrhagic Gastroenteritis. I had never heard of this condition before, and it sounded terrifying. I started watching Panda more carefully just in case, but she really seemed to be fine other than the mild tummy upset.

On Wednesday night, Panda woke me up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I let her out, puzzled - she'd never done this before. It was 3am and pouring rain; I followed her around with a flashlight, in my bathrobe and rain boots. She didn't seem sicker than before, but the situation felt odd. We went back to bed and watched tv together before catching a few more hours of sleep. Thursday was business as usual: several walks, meals anticipated and enjoyed as always, chasing the ball in the backyard that evening.On Thursday night, Panda woke me up three times. We must have slept two hours that night. She would try and go to the bathroom and very little would come out. She was acting a little hyper and I knew it was because she felt uncomfortable - I was really concerned at this point and decided to call the vet as soon as they opened the next day.

Friday morning, sleep-deprived and worried, I called the vet - thankfully they had a spot for me in about three hours' time. I decided not to give Panda her breakfast just in case she had some kind of obstruction. She wasn't happy about this but I somehow resisted her irresistible face. While we were waiting for her appointment to come around, Panda threw up. I got more anxious. She was getting worse. She went outside and lay down - this was the first time all week that she was showing signs of not feeling well. I sat near her and watched her. She stood up, began to go to the bathroom... and all that came out was a lot of water and blood. I felt my stomach drop down into my toes as total panic and fear took hold. No! I packed her up into the car and we arrived at the vet early - luckily they were able to see us almost immediately and within about 90 minutes from that terrifying moment in the backyard she was isolated and hooked up to an IV.

Since Panda is a rescue, it was particularly heartbreaking as I knew that she probably thought I was abandoning her at her weakest and sickest - I went back that afternoon with a big towel that smelled like home and the vet was kind enough to let me sit with her for an hour. She tried incessantly to crawl out from under my feet and begged me with her eyes to let her come home. Nobody was able to tell me that she would be ok, so it was a terrifying day. By that night they felt more confident that she was stabilizing so I went home and tried to eat, but the heartbeat of our house was gone and I could barely stand to be there. Third sleepless night, coming right up.

The next morning, I called the vet as soon as they were open and received the best news: Panda was smiling and had eaten a tiny bit of food. So far she was holding it down. If she was able to hold down food, she'd be able to take her medication orally, and she'd be able to come home. A few hours later I got the ok: come and get her! Much to the hospital's chagrin, as they had all fallen in love with her. Why am I not surprised.

Panda had to follow a pretty involved food and medication schedule for the next week, and she continued to lose a bit of blood for a few more days before things cleared up. But she continued to improve and is now back to her kibble, her carrots and her usual self. Needless to say, I have become a hovering nightmare. Panda has added "puzzled and annoyed" to her gallery of daily expressions.

Why am I posting this long story? Because: another sweet doggie in our neighbourhood got the same thing. Unlike Panda, she started bleeding in the middle of the night - and by the time she was seen by a vet the next morning, it was too late. She passed away hours later. I can barely imagine the pain and sadness her family has experienced. She was a friend of Panda's that we always made a point of saying hello to and cuddling with, and I was devastated to learn that she had died. The entire neighbourhood is in shock and worried for their own pets.

There are many theories circulating - it's been a very rainy summer, things have been more damp than usual - maybe they ate a bad mushroom, or perhaps bacteria was growing on a toy or a bone and they ingested it accidentally. Perhaps they inhaled some pathogenic spores. Or, worse, perhaps they consumed poison that was left out by somebody - for rats or raccoons I guess, which is bad enough, but I can't even bear to think that anybody was deliberately trying to poison anybody's pets. I can confirm that Panda has had all of her shots and has been vaccinated against Parvovirus, which is a very serious and highly contagious disease that exhibits symptoms similar to HGE. I spoke with some officials at city hall, discussed the situation with a well-respected local vet just to get a second opinion, emailed all the neighbours I knew who had dogs, and went door-to-door for those whose names I didn't know and whose emails I didn't have. I'm writing this blog post because perhaps sharing what happened will help save your dog's life.

All I can say is that I'm convinced Panda and our neighbour/dog friend were affected by HGE. This is a general condition that can be caused by many things, so it's not very comforting to identify it as a cause because it doesn't mean you can protect your dog any better. The only solution to HGE is to catch it as soon as possible, go straight to the vet, aggressively re-hydrate via an IV and pump their system full of antibiotics. Dogs often don't show that they aren't feeling well until they are in really bad shape - Panda was eating and otherwise behaving normally until Friday morning, but then she became dehydrated at lightning speed. In smaller dogs it can happen even more quickly.

If you ever see blood, or suspect dehydration, don't wait - if it's the middle of the night, go to an emergency animal hospital. But please, please - do not wait. Panda sends her best. xo