For the past decade, almost every hour of my life has been accompanied by Panda. Now I feel buried under an avalanche of rituals to grieve. There are memories and emotions hiding in every corner of our house, every food that we eat, every time of day, every change in the weather, every walk, every habit and routine. She was one of the quietest dogs we’ve ever known, but the sound of her absence is thunderous.
I’m clinging to the memories and experiences I have carefully catalogued in my mind, with growing urgency, over the years: the long warm gaze of her brown eyes looking into mine, for no reason other than to say I love you. The steadfastness of her big soft broad forehead pushed up against my own. The perfectly overstuffed, thick furriness of her face. The impossibly silky patches of hair behind her ears. The giant, fluffy, infinitely huggable teddy bear body. The quiet, slow, happy swish of her tail. The sweetest, endless, most infectious smile. The most joyful, gentle, patient, genuine presence. The kindest nose boops and kisses. The brief, delightful moments of mischief, zoomies and tail-chasing. The softest snore. The rare, tiniest, most hilarious farts. The most impeccable eyeliner.
Panda was the ambassador to all dogs. People who were scared of dogs loved her. People who hated dogs loved her. Children and animals who felt afraid or intimidated, learned to trust and joyfully connect because of her. Never mind the people who already loved dogs - they saw her coming a mile away. Loved by friends and neighbours, she was asked for by name at our pharmacy, at local shops, at Finnegan’s. Panda update requests came from my doctors, hairdresser, aesthetician, therapist. On a daily basis, strangers asked to hug her, take her picture, wanted to know where they could get one just like her. But she was one of a kind. She had no idea how special she was. But we knew.
If you’ve ever met her, or bought a calendar to support the heroes who saved her life at Frontier Animal Society, or just enjoyed the photos we’ve shared over the years, you know how special she was, too. Thank you for sharing the absolute joy that was Panda, with us.
Panda had many roles. Therapy dog. Goofy sidekick. Best friend. Guardian angel. We took turns taking care of each other. This year she needed a lot of care. We did everything we could. She deserved every bit of it and more.
She is one of the great loves of my life. I am grateful for every day I had with her. It took everything I had to let her go.
Our best girl.
